Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Shake it Up

It was only a matter of time before I posted a picture of one or both of my puppy girls on my blog—this one of Maddy seemed fitting for today's post.

Warning: What you are about to read may be nauseatingly philosophical and soul searching and not necessarily related to bicycling.

I did a lot of thinking today at work. It always amazes me how much I can think about other things while I'm working and still manage to get stuff done. I guess that's part of the problem, really.

All the time I have spent thinking about training, gearing up for training, racing and actually training, in addition to reading the blogs of those I aspire to be half as tough as, has really done a number on me. I realized today that rather than simply motivating me to be better, stronger, faster and braver on a bike, it seems to be seeping into my day-to-day life. I'm starting to question all kinds of things in my life that I thought I wanted because they were safe.

I've already mentioned multiple times on this blog that I am courage-challenged. However, it's mostly been in reference to bikes and going downhill. I'll admit now that I lack courage when it comes to life as well. I like to feel like I'm not coasting, but won't go so far as to actually enjoy doing something that takes a lot of work. This is hard to explain, because I wouldn't say I'm lazy or that I don't work hard at things. Let's use my job as an example. I've been at my job for seven years. I have a lot of responsibility and a pretty heavy workload. I feel like I have a good work ethic and I am not averse to putting in long hours when necessary. But my job is easy. By this, I mean that I know how to do everything and have pretty much mastered it. I have to think when I do my job, but it's the same kind of thinking I've been doing for seven years and I've got it down pat. There are no real challenges on the horizon.

Now, normally, this situation that I am in would be my ideal, meaning I don't mind putting the effort into it because I know I can do it and do it well. My biggest feeling of comfort comes from feeling capable (i.e., safe). But lately challenging myself has seemed like a really good idea and I am wondering if am preventing myself from growing, not just in the world of bicycling, but in my everyday life. I really think, as much as it scares me, that things might just need some shaking up.

I can count the brave things I've done in my life on one hand. Maybe it's time to rectify that. I don't know how this feeling will manifest itself what havoc it could wreak on my life in the coming months, but whatever it is, I think it just might be good for me.

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