I Knew There Was Some Reason I Wanted to Do This

There have been many times in my life when I have truly wished I was better, but those instances don't often translate into renewed effort. Without really knowing why, I have wanted very badly to race Iceman for a long time, and this past weekend I finally did it. Not only that, for me it was one of the few definining moments in my life. Because this race, like few things in my life have done, really made me wish I was better, and made me wish it enough to actually make myself better. Even though I had a great time during this race and I loved racing it, part of me was sad and unfulfilled for the entire race. I wished with everything I had in me that I had the fitness to push myself the way I wanted to push myself—to make myself ride harder and faster—to truly conquer the race the way I wanted to conquer it.

I did my best, and at the end of the day I was happy with that. But I also got the shot in the arm I really needed. At a time when fatigue, lethargy and the beginnings of apathy were keeping me from riding, training and even racing, I found a renewed motivation to be better. This race made me want to drop 30 pounds, strengthen my core, Bowflex, layer up and ride through the freezing cold and do intervals on the trainer until I'm ready to hurl. It made me want to leave my old self in the dust.

P.S. As soon as my personal photographer/spouse processes the photos from Iceman, I will do a real race report (much to Ali's chagrin).