Varying Degrees of Tough

The above photo is the Granger Recycling Center, where I spent last Friday morning, sorting mixed recyclables. My job requires me to write and speak about all aspects of the company, so I'm slowly making the rounds to the different divisions, trying to soak up as much knowledge as I can.

I'm really enjoying the things I'm learning. I hate not knowing everything about everything, so I embrace these educational experiences as part of my quest to be all knowing. Aspirations of omniscence aside, it was really hard work. I stood on the platform (where you can see the yellow railing), pulling the "good stuff" off the conveyor belt and sending it to the baler, while the trash (that people seem to think belongs in recycling containers) remained on the belt headed for the dumpster. In the afternoon, I walked around the drop-off area, observing people and picking up the trash everyone had left behind.

Besides the things I learned about our recycling operations, I also reaffirmed the fact that I am not made for manual labor. As much as I train and as many hours as I have in on the bike this year, it didn't matter a bit at the recycling center. By the end of the day, I was exhausted and sore. Tough when it comes to training doesn't necessarily translate to tough anywhere else. I was glad to be back at my computer today.

Puppy Placeholder

We all know I've been doing a crappy job of posting lately. There never seems to be enough time. I think it will get better soon, but until then, I've come up with an interim solution to the problem. I finally bought a new point-and-shoot camera (after the untimely demise of the old one), so I can take pictures randomly and not have to worrying about trying to put pictures from the D40, which are taken raw, on Chris' computer and save them as .jpgs, yada yada yada. Now I can go back to taking photos here and there and just pop the card in my computer. Quick. Easy.

So my thought is that even if I can't get an actual written post up every day, I can at least get a few photos up, whether they're bike-related or not.

Yesterday, I had to hop off the trainer twice during my 2.5-hour ride to snap a few photos of the girls because they looked so cute. Yes, I am being sappy, but look at them, would ya? Can you honestly tell me they're not worth it? Besides, I don't post photos of Gretchen and Maddy very often and I thought there was a loyal blog reader far away in Florida who might appreciate some photos of the grandpuppies.

History Repeating Itself?

I know all I ever do is talk about my struggles on this blog, but my life is a struggle. I'm not knocking it, it's a good life, but things seldom go smoothly. Pretty soon, it will be Spring (hopefully) and I'll still be struggling, but my struggles will at least be more action-based and my posts about them will be less whiny and philosophical.

My latest struggle has to do with my weight issues. As many of you know, I've been doing the yo-yo thing since I was a teenager. I pretty much have two types of eating behavior—really strict and all-out binge. The result is that I am really good at any kind of diet or eating program, until I'm not. Inevitably, as I'm plugging along making progress, I get to the point where I start backsliding (and sliding and sliding). I feel like I can just do it for so long and then I can't take it anymore.

Last week I ate like complete crap. I didn't binge per se, because I didn't eat that much more than I've been eating, but what I ate was horrible. And when I say horrible, I mean McDonald's, Burger King and chicken nachos all in the same week. I won't detail the rest of my shame here on this blog.

The result was about what I expected—a 2.8 pound gain. I know I'm not swirling into the abyss at this point, but I'm damn close. I need to find a way to turn it around and fast. Yankee is about six weeks away, and I need to be lighter for it, not heavier.

My only saving grace in the past few months is that I've never stopped training. It makes me feel somewhat better that I continue to train and at least I'm exercising if I'm not eating right. But I can't let that make it okay in my mind because I have to get it under control.

My Iditarod

Following Alaska Jill's journeys on her blog as I do, I feel alternately motivated and discouraged. Reading about her training, for example, as she slogs through the cold, snow and rain of a winter in Juneau, putting hours and hours on her bike, makes me wonder why I complain about a low-intensity, three-hour ride on the trainer in my heated dining room with the television to keep me company. Some days, I think if Jill can complete such amazing feats, I can certainly meet my small, not very ambitious goals. Then I read about the issues she had on this year's Iditarod and how she was actually in true danger and is now recovering from some wicked frostbite, I think that's true toughness, and I wonder why I even bother.

But every once in a while, I'm realistic and grounded. (Seriously, I really can be.) At those times, I think I'm not Jill, I'm me and my challenges may not be as ambitious or as dangerous as hers, but they're real to me. Maybe it's because I've never done anything epic and I hate to be cold, but I would never consider doing anything like the Iditarod. Perhaps I wasn't meant for greatness, but that doesn't make my goals any less important or valid.

It's easy to get discouraged when I compare myself to others who have accomplished so much more. Those people who are better, faster, skinnier, more attractive, whatever, seem to have it all compared to me. The truth is, though, they have their own struggles.

What all this philosophical mumbo jumbo means in terms of real life is that I have to work within my boundaries. I have to set my goals based on what I want to accomplish and what I think I really can accomplish. This doesn't mean I shouldn't challenge myself and reach outside my comfort zone. It just means that my goals should be based on my life and not be shadowed in comparison to what others are doing. It means that for me, finishing a 12-hour race and meeting a goal for a certain number of laps may be my TdF, my Leadville. That race may very well be my Iditarod.

More Randomness

Since I've been updating this blog so infrequently lately, it seems like I'm always playing catch up with my posts. What I've ended up with as a result of that are posts that are fairly disorganized and unfocused, but I guess it's better than nothing at all.

The biggest thing that's on my mind right now is Alaska Jill. I've been following her progress on the Iditarod, but since I am now gainfully employed, I didn't get to look at it all day. When I checked the site just now, I found out that both Jill and her boyfriend Geoff have scratched! Jeff ended up having to stop last year before finishing because of an injury and now he has apparently had to scratch again. I haven't seen any details at this point, but whatever happened, I'm sure it's hugely disappointing for both of them. I hope they're okay.

And speaking of being okay, I finally feel almost back to normal after being sick pretty much all last week. It's just my luck that the first week I started my new job there were five or six people in the office sick and I quickly soaked up their germs. I suffered through a couple of higher intensity workouts last week and even though it was hard to do when congested, I think it was really good for me.

I've logged 404 miles on the trainer since Jan. 6. I'm sure that's some kind of record for me. No wonder I'm sick of it.

My weight was exactly the same at Friday's weigh in. I didn't lose anything. I both disappointed and relieved. I'm expecting to stop losing weight at some point, but I also know I've been treating my weekends like nutritional free-for-alls, and that needs to stop.

My first race of the season, the Yankee Springs Time Trial, is only seven weeks away. I know it's ambitious and will take some willpower, but I'd really like to drop another 15 pounds by then, so as to be faster and lighter. We'll see how it goes.

Training Progresses

Okay, so I'm now writing this post for the second time after I accidentally deleted it somehow. Aaaargh!

My training changed again this week. From this point forward, I'll only be doing one day of weight training a week. My intensity on the bike has increased quite a bit.

For those of you who think my husband is figuring out my entire training plan, you're wrong. I am actually participating. Chris hands off an Excel spreadsheet to me for each week (usually three weeks at a time). The sheet includes the days of the week and indicated on each is time on the bike, along with some mysterious codes. My mission is to go to the Mountain Bike Training Bible and look up the codes to see what they mean. Then I stand around a lot deciding how long my intervals and recovery periods should be, what gearing to use, etc. During this time I ask Chris many, many questions. Tonight, for example, I had to do F2 and M2, which are "big gear climbs" and "cruise intervals."

When I finally get on the bike, I strap on my $29.99 digital watch from Target and look at it every so often to figure out when I'm supposed to start doing something else. It's a fairly cumbersome process. In fact, I was just thinking "I wish there was some type of device I could use to program my workouts. Then it would just beep at me or something when it was time to switch." Oh, there is. I just can't afford it. :-(

As old as this low-tech training is getting, I am determined to keep it up because I have high hopes for this season. I need to be ready.

A Couple Unrelated Items

So something happened on Sunday that made me feel really stupid. I was expecting to get a CPS Award for third place. I was sitting there at the Expo with a bunch of my teammates from last year, but I never heard my name. At first I thought they were just calling names in a really weird order. Then when it was over, I thought I must have just missed hearing my name because we were talking a bit amongst ourselves and the guy who was reading the names was seriously mumbling.

When it was all over, I went up to ask about it and they told me I wasn't on the list. I couldn't figure it out, because according to the results on the MMBA site, I came in third place. I didn't argue about it, though, because I wasn't positive and I didn't want to look more ridiculous than I already did. Turns out I was right—sort of. According to the file on the MMBA site, I'm in third. I have a three next to my name and I'm the third one in the list. Everyone below me is greyed out, presumably because they didn't do enough races to qualify. Upon further review, though, I realized the person directly under me did have enough races, even though her name is greyed out. She also had one more point than I did. They must have figured out there was a mistake but never bothered to correct the file. I'm glad I didn't make a big deal about it.

In other news, I'm really excited about our new site. We had some t-shirts made, wore them around at the Expo and had several people ask about the site. We even met a potential advertiser. I also created a Facebook fan site and we already have 39 fans (and some of them are actually people we don't even know). We got some link love from Danielle and Jake and we've had 245 visits since we launched. It's just one more reason why I can't for race season to start.